


Can't Have You

by pioneergurl



Category: Shawn Mendes - Fandom, niall horan - Fandom
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 08:41:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18869701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pioneergurl/pseuds/pioneergurl
Summary: Shawn plays his new song to Niall.





	Can't Have You

**Author's Note:**

> I was obviously inspired by Shawn's song "If I Can't Have You," which screams Niall to me. My first Niall/Shawn fic, enjoy!

Shawn hit send and immediately threw his phone across the room where it landed with a soft thud on the carpeted floor. He had just sent Niall his finished song that he had been working on the past couple of weeks. Like all his songs it was once again about Niall. But would Niall ever realize they were about him? This was the question that kept Shawn awake at night. He wasn’t sure how much more obvious he could be about his true feelings toward Niall without letting the whole world know. So, he just continued to write song after song about his unrequited love for Niall, dreaming of the day when Niall would confess his love for him.  
His phone pinged in the background and he hastily rolled off the couch to retrieve his phone. He had only sent the text a minute ago, no way would Niall have been able to listen to the full song yet. Nervously he unlocked his phone to see that it was indeed Niall who had texted him.

"Can’t wait to listen! On my way home now"

Shawn let out a shaky breath. He had to remind himself to stay calm. There was no reason to freak out since Niall hadn’t listened yet. He just really wanted Niall to like the song even if he never put two and two together. Because after all, he did write the song for Niall, and if he didn’t like it, he would be crushed. Before Shawn could respond another text came in from Niall.

"Are you in LA?"

Shawn quickly responded,"Yeah I am! I’m at my place now"

"Mind if I swing by? Maybe I can hear the song live ; )"

Shawn’s heart skipped a beat. It was one thing to send Niall the song, but to play it just for him?! Shawn wasn’t sure he could handle that level of intimacy, especially knowing that Niall would be clueless while he openly bared his heart to him. Before he could drive himself crazy with worrying, he texted Niall to come over whenever. Once again, he tossed his phone as far from him as possible and proceeded speedily to pick up the house, straitening pillows, cleaning dirty dishes, and changing into a clean shirt for good measure. It was only twenty minutes later when he heard knocking on his door. Taking deep breaths to steady his nerves, he opened the door only to be nearly barreled down onto the floor by Niall flinging himself on him. Niall had his arms wrapped tightly around him as he swayed them side to side in a big bear hug. 

“I missed you Shawny!”

Shawn hugged Niall back, heart beating wildly with the sudden closeness of Niall.

“Missed you too,” Shawn’s voice came out muffled as his head was burrowed deep into crook of Niall’s neck. 

“We can’t go this long without seeing each other again, I need to see my best mate!”

Shawn blushed at Niall’s words, hiding his face by turning and leading him into the living room. 

“Want anything to drink?” Shawn asked.

“Got any beer?”

“Coming right up!” Shawn left Niall to get comfortable in the living room while he ran into the kitchen for a couple of beers. 

Now that Niall was here his stomach was doing back flips with all the possibilities the night could hold. He was nervous to be alone with Niall, they were usually surrounded by friends or out in public. But tonight, was just the two of them and Shawn was to play his new song for him. He took a deep breath before leaving the kitchen and joining Niall on the couch. 

“I hope I’m not barging in on you,” Niall said as Shawn handed him his beer, “I was out all day thought I would try to see you if you were here.”

“You’re not barging in at all, I’m glad you’re here,” He smiled shyly at Niall before taking a sip of his beer to hide his nerves.

“So, when do I get to hear this new song?” 

“I haven’t played it on my guitar for anyone yet, it might not sound too great,” Shawn said, trying to find an excuse to put off playing.

“No way are you getting out of this! I came here for a live show!”

Shawn rolled his eyes at Niall’s impatient demands, “I guess if you really want to hear it…”

“Of course, I want to hear it! Go get your guitar, I’m sure it’ll sound great,” Niall smiled encouragingly back at Shawn. That smile was all it took to get Shawn off the couch and retrieving his guitar from his bedroom.

Back on the couch Shawn tuned his guitar as Niall waited patiently, taking sips from his beer as he watched Shawn at work. Shawn grew warm as his nerves mounted and Niall continued to stare at him. He cleared his throat and looked tentatively up at Niall.

“Ready when you are,” Niall said affirmatively.

“Here goes nothing.”

And then he was singing his heart out to Niall. Every line felt painfully obvious that he had written it for him. Fighting back embarrassment at being so obvious, Shawn lost himself in the song and the feel of the strings beneath his fingers. He refused to look at Niall, and instead kept his eyes closed for nearly the whole song. When he sang out the last line, he finally opened his eyes to look back at Niall.

His adrenaline was rushing and his heart was pounding. He had just sung a song about pining for Niall right to his face and he couldn’t bear to hear what Niall had to say. Niall was smiling fondly back at him and then began to clap his hands.

“Bravo Shawny!”

Shawn blushed deeply and, putting down his guitar, took a swing from his beer in an effort to calm himself down.

“Glad you liked it,” he said bashfully.

“Now you just have to tell me who it’s about,” Niall winked at Shawn and jokingly punched his shoulder. Shawn felt his mind spinning for an answer that wouldn’t give himself away.

“It’s just about…it’s not about anyone. Just a fun song.”

“Come on, you can tell me. Who’s the lucky person, you’re always thinking about?”

“Ummm…,” he literally could not think of one thing to say. His mind had gone blank and he felt his panic rising.

“I won’t judge, I promise,” Niall squeezed his knee in encouragement and waited expectantly for Shawn to confess who the song was about to him. 

Something about the way Niall looked at him, made Shawn feel like it was now or never. Covering his face with his hands to hide his embarrassment, Shawn whispered,  
“You.” 

There was a moment of silence when both were still, and then he felt Niall pulling his hands away from his face.

“Shawn look at me,” he implored.

Reluctantly Shawn looked up into Niall’s face.

“I know it’s about me.”

For a moment Shawn was confused. How could Niall have known and never said anything? Or was he merely joking? He shook his head in disbelief. 

“What do you mean ‘you know’?” 

“Well I was 99% sure. A lot of your songs remind me of us. I…I feel the same way.”

“Why did you never say anything?”

“I wanted you to be the one to make a move. I didn’t want to come on too strong, and I guess I was scared of my own feelings,” Niall admitted.

Shawn felt like crying. From relief? From confusion? He wasn’t sure, he just knew he felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure what to say. When he didn’t respond Niall moved closer to him on the couch and wrapped a comforting arm around him.

“I’m happy you finally told me, but we don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”

Shawn let out a shaky breath, feeling slightly comforted by Niall’s words and his arm wrapped around him. 

“Thank you. For understanding. It’s nice to know you feel the same way,” Shawn managed to say these few words before the tears came rolling down his face and he let out a sob. But then Niall was wrapping both arms around him and squeezing him tight, whispering “it’s okay” in his ear. 

“I’m sorry,” Shawn choked out as he tried to wipe away his tears before he got Niall’s shirt all wet.

“Don’t worry about it,” Niall loosened his hold on Shawn, holding him at arm’s length, peering at him concernedly.

“I think I’m done crying,” Shawn wiped away the last of tears.

“You sure?”

“Yes, sorry I just felt---”

“There’s no need to be sorry, if anyone should be sorry it’s me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said any of that,” said Niall regretfully.

“No, I’m glad you said it, now we both know,” smiled Shawn. He hoped his smile proved to Niall that he was done crying.

Niall smiled back before asking, “What do we do now?”

“Well, there’s one thing I’ve been dreaming about for a while.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” 

But Shawn didn’t answer with words. He leaned in slowly and kissed Niall gently on the mouth before pulling away, not sure how he would be received. 

“Is that all you’ve been dreaming about?” Niall asked, his words coming out slowly.

“There’s more,” Shawn admitted, his stomach twisting in anticipation.

“Do you want to show me?”

Shawn nodded his head before leaning in once more. This time he pressed his lips firmly against Niall’s, kissing him deeply. Niall’s lips parted open for him and their tongues twirled together. Shawn had dreamt of this on countless nights and nothing could’ve prepared him for the real Niall kissing him passionately. All thought was erased from his mind except for, “Niall, Niall, Niall…”

“Shawn,” Niall murmured against his mouth. Shawn slowed down their kissing until they finally came to a stop. He suddenly felt shy, having just shared his biggest secret with the guy he loved.

“Is all of this okay?” Niall asked.

“More than okay.”

Niall smiled a relieved smile and took Shawn’s hand in his, “I want to take you out. On a date. If you want to, of course.”

Shawn smiled back, “Where are you taking me?”


End file.
